Not Your Grandmother's Dentures

Not Your Grandmother's Dentures

Silver Swan compares Vinyl Records to CDs and MP3s



Prostitute patrons, 

Y'all boy Silver Swan coming atcha wit some wiz-dom to stick all on up in dat greazy honkey head, coz.

All kinda sassy, hipster crabapple wiggas done broke the damn internet with they shit-ass opinions on how to listen to funky jams right proper. They be spendin they last sixty dollars on fancy-color vinyl records, skeetin' they damn worldview all up in yo web browser about how it sound better than a CD. 

Cracka, please. 

Ya boy Silver Swan gonna break it on down all sciency, baby. Bess damn way to measure sound quality from a audio format be about "dynamic range," that's the funky-ass measurement of dank-ass highs and skank-ass lows you done gonna get outta y'all slow-jams when you log-jammin' one of my hoes. To get scientifical, we done measure dynamic range in the scale of "dB" units, which stand for:

dat BASS

Now, on papers, a CD gets capable of about 96 dB dynamic range. Keepin' perspectives, y'all human ear can perceive about 140 dB dynamic range from sound all up in yo audacious cortextuals. Dig, baby?

Now, hold onta y'all lumbersexual hemp hats, honkeys, cuz a dusty-ass vinyl record can only output 60-70 dB dynamic range into yo sound vagina. Don't hate.

So, why all these lumbersexual mofo types be scratchin' vinyl, talkin' like Jesus done come back to rock some dope rhymes in they speakers?

Demon's in the details, playah, and ya boy Swan's all about the damn demon details, bitch. 

See, CDs only got that dynamic range on paper these days, coz. That glory day of 16 bit audio compression done died like the dino-saucer when MP3 streamin' jumped into the pimp game, wigga. See, MP3 get called a "lossy" audio format, because it done chop out all kinda sound info to stream and store better. 

Matter fact, I gotta hoe name "Lossy." Asian, but got a fat badonkadonk. She done stabbed a mime once for lookin' at her funny and she got a tramp stamp in funny Asian characters that say, "Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here." She wear a Vlad Abacus eye patch, just cause it look dope, ain't a damn thang wrong with that eye. Cost you sixty dollars. 

Math time, bitches. Take a CD made in the past fifteen years and shit. That bad boy done got burned with compression for rapid rip to MP3, so you can knock the dB in half, coz. Take that ripped MP3 and stream it over a 3G or broadband wifi and cut that dB in half again, playah. Run that shit through some shitty computer speakers and you got a lifetime of shitty listening for a hipster-ass millenial mofo.

So, these dandy-ass chillins be listenin' to they Beiber alla they lives on ghetto-ass speakers streamin' Napster-ass stolen MP3s. Alla sudden, you give that bitch a turntable and he done think he standin' on the mountaintop. 

Shoot. Ignant white people never fail to amuse, baby. 

Take some advices from the Swan, coz. Take that munny you was gonna buy a turntable wit and break it into sixty dollar incrementals. Give that shit to Lossy, one skeet at a time, yo. Y'all won't give a damn about dat BASS when you get a crack at dat ASS.

Silver Swan, straight lookin' out. For yo dick.